White Tea: Pascal's Advice

All the misfortunes of Man come from his inability

to sit quietly in his room alone. – Blaise Pascal

I am an old man, and I am content to sit

alone in my room. As a young man I never

really believed I could feel this way, but I guess

I had to live this long in order to reach this point.

Oh, I spent time out in the world long ago,

and like Dostoyevsky’s Underground Man,

when I came back home I would beat the walls.

I had so little then and desired so much. Now I

desire nothing, consequently I am rich. And I can

sit here alone, no longer having to make

other people happy, only myself. Besides, they’re

all gone – two wives, my parents, all my friends –

and there's no one else to please. Alone in my room

the walls are my friends, the walls keep me safe, and I

no longer beat them. It has taken me a long time to arrive

at this place, but I’m glad that I’m finally able

to take Pascal’s advice. Of course you can't close out

all the problems of the world. Pascal was wrong about that.

But if you can be content to sit in your room, you can

be happy, and keep the sadness out, and that is everything.

published online November 2011 in the Longlist Anthology of the 2011 Montreal Prize

White Tea